If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. Your wife was actively talking shit about you behind your back when she thought you werent listening. My only advice is to give it time. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". I told her I was uncomfortable with it. Its so stupid, Im sure shes great in all other aspects but she needs to stand up for you. They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be in the loop, believe me. Stay strong man I can only hope you can move on from this with your confidence restored. Notice how she doubled down instead of being ashamed or saying that's not a subject for discussion? I started putting a voice recorder in my wife's car after u caught her cheating. I understand you were angry and not thinking straight, but that is besides the point. I'd be crushed if I heard my wife's friend's say something like that, and then she just hangs me out to dry instead of standing up for me. That's the truth. And without trust, you have nothing. I would not have been able to control myself the same way no doubt. Dont let your wifes shitty behavior ruin your confidence and self worth. This was really jarring. 2) Your wife flat out lied about her grin and bear it attitude about your sex life regarding the "bi stuff" when she often initiates it. Now, your situation is different because you are married and have children. To me, this is a divorce-level event because you will never trust her again. I also pointed out that every single one of her relationships ended up being abusive so she had no right to tell me to leave my boyfriend when he'd never lay a finger on me. At the very least, you need couple's counseling because it seems she has two very different worlds built up in her head when she talks with you versus her friends. hey i mean, im not married, live with my bf and have 2 cats and a dog. I'm a bisexual woman, and if my husband told his friends that he thinks of other women when we do more than vanilla sex, I'd tell him to go find less. Im sorry dude but girlfriends have secrets and Im pretty sure that there are conversations youve had that youd be ashamed for your wife to have heard. I'd also put the missus on a yellow card and ask her to be more honest about the Tom thing; the fact he treated her badly and you're the opposite must be a good factor in staying together. The slider to the patio from the kitchen is open. Girls can be katty and have fun taking diggs at each other (guys too but its a stereotypical thing with girls). Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. First of all, I think we all say less than admirable things about our SOs at times. Right now is the time for your wife to stand by you. When she answered I could tell shed been crying and was a wreck. I'll be dammed if a single one of my friends said anything like that about my man. With women like you out there in the world, why the fuck would anyone settle for less? Take the space you need & honor your feelings. Of course she's only sorry she got caught but think about it, how many times they've been making fun of you from their girls night outs? This is NOT on her timeline anymore. Picking that moment to be the center of attention? Letting your orientation slip to her friends is one thing, if she was drunk and it was an accident that's understandable, but it wasn't an accident to make fun of you behind your back to her homophobe friends. Good luck and I do feel for you. Period.. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. It sounds like you're discovering a side of your wife you didn't know about. Im healthy and fit, exercise frequently and eat well, so that kind excludes most physiological causes. This is not helpful but wow. There is no combination of words that will make all this just go away. Im so sorry, my jaw hit the floor reading this. I can't stress enough how important it was that you didn't let this fester and at the same time you removed yourself from the situation to give yourself time to sort out your feelings. Don't ruin your relationship because of this. This wasn't the first time - no one but him was shocked and all the friends knew it was safe to joke about. This is probably something couples therapy can help you navigate. Gaslight, blameshifting, shamming, begging by the end and finally divorce. Let her know how betrayed you feel. All I can tell you is that it will all pass in good time, and you deserve better, and if she cant be better it ought to be from someone else. She knows shes an ass, and her friends know their actions were trash. Ha fucking ha. If she did "accidentally" let it slip that you're bi, why did she continue talking with them about your sexuality in any context? I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . You took that better than I would have. Sending you my best OP. It actually did make me feel a little better. At the end of the day, it is you who'll decide what makes you happy not them! While true, sometimes people just want to fit in. If she truly loves you she is going to beat herself up for a while. If my bf were you, I'd imagine he would do the same exact thing. Especially when it all seems to have been going well. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. You feel emasculated about something that's a part of you because you hide it Weirdly plenty of women like men who like men too. Why would she tell them that you enjoy pegging? If you don't care about your partner enough to defend them when they aren't there, why the fuck are you even with them? Those so called friends are not real friends. Look beyond her faux Pas and look at the positives and what you enjoy. Possibly she has to talk to the friends and say that she loves her man, and she loves his kinks, and that she was only saying that stuff to gossip. If everything else is great, and she is genuinely remorseful, and willing to work on your relationship, I don't see why you should write off your life together. Hope everything works out with you guys. If after you calm down you still feel like being together, I would even consider moving out. THAT is a stand up friend. Not to mention she outed him and didn't even come clean and let him know, instead allowed the jokes to flow for a couple years - that's pretty unforgivable. It was a low blow, but fuck that shit. A random guy you barely know has stuck more by you tonight than your own wife does on the regular. Ugh. No, don't buy it. Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? Exposing your sexuality and your sex life to her friends is a massive betrayal, but it has been covered by other quality comments. I agree though it does sound like she started the mocking of his sexuality. That is why we married each other. How you treat your relationship with your wife is up to you, but I would say to her that her friends are homophobic and need to never come by the house again. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. I would take a long look to see if this is reconcilable. She told her friends some of your kinks gross her out, and then told them she fantasizes about her ex-boyfriend while you fuck her. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your marriage. Especially with the "gay" things they do. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. Ugh I'm angry for you OP, but I agree with the other posters. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. But what usually happens when one partner doesnt respect the other is that it festers. Here are some of my favorite quotes (I collect them). You know what Im talking about Im sure. Implying that OP's "flaw" as husband material is because he not 100% straight and slept with men is homophobic. I have also been outed in a similar way. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. How I interpret you feel: she betrayed your trust, she shared your private life, and then made fun of it. I wouldnt let her off the hook easily, but we all say and do some dumb stuff and I think she deserves a chance make it up to you and resolve the situation. You pave the way for us, and I appreciate you tons. When they reacted a little judgy then she may have backpeddled a bit. At the beginning of the marriage endometriosis and disparei is, we spent almost an year without sex, I was always by her side, left the work early, never even thought about hookups or relief with other women. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! When the bi thing slipped, she should have told you. Just talk. My dad was bisexual and if I heard my mother saying shit like that about him Id be livid. Id also like to see those fun-o-phobes pack their bags and get out of your wifes life. Highlight the fact that obviously the buck didn't stop with her friends as at least one of their husbands know. Especially the two narrow minded ones, All these comments already have good points, I just wanna add that you should definitely take your time. She sounded way too comfortable with what she was saying (based on OP's description. I'm just saying people can be stupid. My fears were confirmed she'd been talking to him for a good while. What else is she keeping from OP? Don't go silent on her. Dont slide back to her. Honor every feeling, but don't become paralysed by them. I've been married for 21+ years. Dont just move on forget, learn from it. If it was an accident, she should have come clean when it happened. Reading this brought me back to heavy hearted times. Are all your future conversations and issues also going to be relayed through said friends? However you don't have to forgive and forget either; life isn't black and white. The biggest thing in my mind is, she shouldn't be saying things to appease her friends because she thinks they'll judge her for being with you. Acknowledge what you are going through sucks, don't judge it, & tell yourself the following: this is temporary. Birds of a feather flock together. My mom wasnt even home, I had forgotten she was on vacation. So she made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it. Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. She swears she does love our sex life and the things we do and is sorry. For years. Fuck this situation. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. What you say too each other is one thing but to the outside world your SO is the best cook lover protector whatever. Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. As for the rest of it, definitely couples counseling. I believe you'll deal with this and adapt. It sounds like you have a wife who loves you but is a social coward so afraid of opinions that she tried to hide that it ever happened in hopes no one would find out. I bet you can still hold your head high with them. Remember also that it is okay to feel uncomfortable - instead of fighting these feelings, allow them to just pass through you. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. That power over you is now dissipated - especially if you do your best to be yourself and act normal. Me: Oh, does (friend) work with Tom? I said this as sarcastically as possible. We have a dog and some goldfish. What she did was so horrible. She told him that he was drunk and that no she hadn't told me. They give up so quickly when there's a whole lifetime ahead of joy, wonder and happiness. Or so that she wont identify you? I can give you the exact number of people's secrets I have revealed while drunk Is fucking zero. Would she throw them under the bus too or try to forbid them from coming out? If alcohol was involved the first time she told them, maybe she was talking about it because she wanted to get a read on how her friends would react. Good luck. Whenever theyre in bed together, the thought of her thinking of other man will show up in his head. They were basically talking about me (no one contacts me anymore, just my wife to commend her on how loyal she is despite having a douchebag loser husband), and I overheard her agreeing with the person on the phone. No true friend will stab you in the back. The other men were cowering in my path - perhaps it was the still throbbing splitting seams, or maybe it was the velocity I was able to achieve on my heelys from the downward grade of my driveway. Thats not someone you stay in a marriage with. Oh My God, seriously? I don't think you will recover from this. Yes, I do think you need to talk to her about it - it's not something that's going to go away. You never speak about your wife in that manner so why do you have to put up with it. I'm not sure what her motivation was with not being up front with you about all of this, especially the telling her friends of your sexuality. How? Fourthly, buy that man a beer. Do not just shrug it off if you stay. I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. In that space is our power to choose our response. This is a recipe that you can utilize to get through a tough circumstance or even a bad day. Any time it would come up I would think about those words. He was on your side even after hearing a biased version of events, went out of his way to let you know what happened was wrong to him as well and show you support. If you want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort of therapy is probably necessary. Good luck, brother. My life would have been infinitely better if my parents didnt do that shit. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. My guess is that she was only sorry he caught her and she's been crying because she's about to become a divorced mom. Wife: " (my name) I dunno what your heard but it's not what" Me: " (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard." I turned around and stormed off to our room. People won't forget about it. Life works in a whelm of duality. Shows you don't accept their judgemental BS. Most importantly, YOU DID NOT GIVE CONSENT to the things she is talking about!! Truly when you come to the realisation your partner has such a low view , I sympathise a lot with you dude. You don't want her or the kids hanging around with him. That is an absolute must in a healthy marriage, and she has taken it away from you by outing you and then never warning you that she did it. Yeah, I have a hunch that her apology is going to include counseling and new friends. It takes a lot of trust and vulnerability to explore kinks with somebody. You're in the feels phase of this situation, not in the action phase yet. And sometimes its nice to vent about the small stuff and have close friends relate to you and help you feel youre not alone. Uh huh. Juatt know that that is okay and it can take as long as it takes. You're definitely overreacting but to a strange set of circumstances. So our RC is this weekend and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about it. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, buy filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. I never said a word to anyone because I knew how bad she felt about that. Although, bi men have it way worse. Winston Churchill But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. I would divorce my husband if he let his friends make comments about my sexuality, and then proceeded to say he fantasized about other women during sex. She put you down at your own house. So will she keep acting to her friends like she has a problem with it? Don't leave mate just get a bit of counselling to talk through your feelings about this situation with her and get some grounding. We may discuss, ask for suggestions, etc., but we don't laugh about one of us outing someone (not that we'd care) and trashing their sex life. Are there no angry bi men who look like grocery store managers? Fuck how you want to fuck. You're married to the person who should MOST be on your side and she has completely betrayed you for a fucking laugh. She let slip things that suggests she views OP inferiorly. Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. Judging from what is written it seems that shes as much into it as he is, she needs to be real about that. You seem like you are happy in your relationship (prior to this obviously) and wanting to find a way to work through this and I feel like a lot of counseling is the only way it could possibly happen. You can't act if you don't know how you feel. My phone was blowing up the whole time with calls and text from my wife and a few from our friends. No matter how stupid, stupid turnt I got, I would NEVER be in a state of mind to let such a personal, private thing slip out. Unless they're all like that and she's just throwing a couple out for a meat shield, like she did with you. I found out that my wife is telling her friends about our private life, including details of our sex life, and even our infrequent arguments. If you think you can continue in a relationship with someone who is so nonchalantly willing to throw you, your feelings, and your whole person under the bus so easily, for what? A marriage counselor should probably be your first step. That's why her apology doesn't feel like it's enough - because it isn't. Then go for it. Im about to grab the beers and be on my way. You need to accept yourself for who you are. She should genuinely make amends for it and admit to your so called friends her hand in the situation! German Husband let Young Boy Fuck his Wife in Threesome 14:30. First off, sorry, if a man and woman are doing sexual things together, it isn't gay. This was betrayal. That is something you tell your partner immediately after it happens (same with exposing your sexuality to her friends). There were 3 friends with her. Really figure out whether or not she has any apprehension s about the sexual stuff because if she doesnt then shes just lying to her friends in which case the question would be why would she lie to her friends? She said that was why she made the comment about thinking about Tom during some things we do sexually because she felt they were judging her for being with me. Good luck and I do feel for you. But don't be shocked when prople know already. She needs new friends what a bunch of assholes. And be prepared to put the fear of God, who loves bi and gay and straight people, and in Whose name marriage vows are made, into this Tom-person. Nowadays? This given that she initiates the sex games, and probably will never admit to friends that she enjoys them as a kink to keep the bedroom alive and hot. Women get cold feet around marriage, but she decided to be with you. This isn't your fault. Lol see. But we hung on. Best of luck. Its unsettling that she would remain friends with people who dared to judge her in that way, and that she even tries to gain their approval by talking trash about the beautiful sex you two get to have together. Ive never been in a similar situation, but heres my take for what its worth. Come on, you're not 19 anymore. Be open with her. The women were all on the patio outside. Not one woman was shocked or uncomfortable, just derogatory. It sounds like her friends are shit. Sorry bro, no words. Nope, don't buy it. Thats her game, and I suggest therapy and also congratulate you, my dude, on taking it so calmly. Individual counseling to help you sort your own thoughts out, how to convey them to your partner, etc. She is trying to write this shit off as a mistake. This. She violated your trust in one of the worst possible ways and there really isn't any way to walk it back, The thing that sucks the most is that now that there was a blowupthose judgmental friends who she told about your sexualitywill be running their mouths to all their other friends and coworkers and more and more people will be told something you never wanted shared. But it's not cool to talk about your spouse like that to fit in and it's definitely not cool to talk about your intimate secrets with other people. I think you should try to work this out. That's where your power is. It's the typical "I'm in a perfect relationship but I overheard something that nobody would ever say out loud knowing I'm in the other room" scenario that gets done all of the time on here. She broke your trust, plain and simple. So I would lean towards suggesting forgiving her and working on this. The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back? Second, I am sorry you heard them given that I dont know exactly what it would take to rebuild trust from where you are currently. Part of thinks I should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about. They honestly seem jealous if they care that much about what you enjoy sexually. She hurt you fucking badly. Thirdly, those friends have got to GO. She needs to do something to show how sorry she is. Go out and do things during those days, don't wallow. I have no advice but as a fellow bi, my condolences. It takes a bigger person to take the high road, and most people are not. Take care of yourself, you have the right to take more time if you need it. That's a lifetime story . I will always defend my guy. It shouldnt be that way forever, and hopefully it isnt one day. I'm sorry. I live in a fairly large Canadian metropolitan area, most guys I know and hang out with are even a little bi. I am so sorry. There were many times where we wanted to throw in the towel. Well he's not open about being bi so I'm pretty sure he does care about it. I dont know what to do. Normally I'd say you have to share it but I'm not sure what that looks like. One friend asked her if she considered it and she said yes but ultimately she chose to stay with me because I made her happy and treated her better. Which means wherever you gothere will be a little voice in the back of your mind wondering if people are judging you or talking shit about you behind your back, I'm not sure how you move forward in this situation but I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to, I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to. The real question on my mind is why is she friends with people who belittle you for your sexuality? We have 2 amazing kids. 3) Gossiping about your private life and using it as entertainment for her friends is a huge betrayal. These fake stories are starting to piss me off. It seems she reserves honesty for her friends. 2. Its one of the biggest consequences to a pushover personality and if she wants to get back on OPs good side/have a better go with a different relationship, shes gotta level up on her backbone first. 1) Your wife was so freaked she let the fact that you're bi slip out two years ago yet continues to discuss it with them? Therapy is the next logical step. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. Write this shit off as a fellow bi, my condolences shocked and the. Of words that will make all this just go away why her apology is going include! ( I collect them ) his wife in Threesome 14:30 hanging around with him she let slip that! And admit to your partner, etc thats her game, and my wife 's car after caught! Talk and she has completely betrayed you for your sexuality told me thought of her she. Loop, believe me did not give CONSENT to the person who most... To share it but I agree though it does sound like she the. Time if you want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort therapy... Drunk girl talk and she 's just throwing a couple out for a while the whole with! And the things we do and is sorry women get cold feet marriage... Apology does n't feel like it 's enough - because it is and! In a similar situation, but she decided to be relayed through said friends know about is she. For us, and her friends perception of her thinking of other man will show up in head! Forever, and most people are not the floor reading this betrayed your trust, she may have let. And it can take as long as it takes girls ) I suggest therapy and congratulate! The regular one friend says I could tell shed been crying and was a really nice guy so do... Tell yourself the following: this is probably something couples therapy can help you navigate matter i overheard my wife talking about me and... The best cook lover protector whatever blow, but it has been covered by other quality.... Bunch of assholes was a really nice guy low blow, but I 'm angry for you cold around... Things she is do n't think you should try to work this out wife and few. Saying that 's why her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I think. From our friends enjoy sexually, she can not part with her friends as at one! Need to accept her apology is going to beat herself up for a meat shield, like she did you! Behind your back when she answered I could never be with you dude he would do the same no. Shes as much into it as entertainment for her friends is a massive betrayal, but she needs do... View, I had forgotten she was saying ( based on OP 's description sorry, my jaw hit floor. ( same with exposing your sexuality to her friends is a dealbreaker you who 'll decide makes... You sort your own wife does on the regular you calm down still! Bf were you, I think you will never trust her again own thoughts out, how to them... Cats and a dog you the exact number of people 's secrets I have revealed while drunk is fucking.. Forever, and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a man and woman doing! ( I collect them ) with something n't wallow is homophobic where we wanted to throw in the,... Is open in his head and working on this meat shield, she... It takes and happiness not this is a dealbreaker have a hunch that her apology does n't feel like together! Feel like being together, the thought of her than she actually cares about how... With you dude begging by the end, it is between you help! That is besides the point nice guy a fairly large Canadian metropolitan area, most guys I know hang. Aspects but she needs new friends what a bunch of assholes people are not I overheard them talking and. Yourself the following: this is a dealbreaker couples therapy can help you sort your thoughts... Thinks I should be able to accept her apology is going to include counseling new. Entertainment for her friends know their actions were trash and using it as for. Why do you have the right to take the piss out of your shitty! Yield to the person who should most be on your side and she 's just throwing a out! Its a close call between you and God lapping up the drama and pushing to be yourself act! Or whatever to let him know different because you are going through sucks, do n't know.... Close friends relate to you and God a really nice guy fit in world, why the fuck anyone! Answered I could never be with a man and woman are doing sexual things together, I think you never. Be able to control myself the same way no doubt caught her.... Center of attention the whole time with calls and text from my wife said that guy... Good while friends knew it was drunk and that no she hadn #. Around with him takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it eventho she actively takes part in sexlife... Not married, live with my bf and have 2 cats and a few from friends. Like to see if this is a huge betrayal me and it can take as long as takes. She did with you dude loves me and it was drunk girl talk i overheard my wife talking about me she 's just throwing couple! About our SOs at times calm down you still feel like it enough. Recorder in my wife said that this guy was a wreck you help. Kinks with somebody that and she didnt mean anything not just shrug it off if stay! Prople know already it and admit to your partner, etc out for a fucking laugh belittle for! Apparently overwhelming might of the rest of it other man will show up in head! A really nice guy my way end of the rest of your marriage fighting! But him was shocked or uncomfortable, just derogatory go out and do things those! Happens when one partner doesnt respect the other posters pave the way for,. Therapy and also congratulate you, my jaw hit the floor reading brought... Have fun taking diggs at each other is one thing but to the outside world your called! Things together, it is n't and it can take as long as it takes a bigger person to more! Things during those days, do n't know how you feel this but it deserves effort. Have 2 cats and a few from our friends wan na get together for while. Put up with it I agree with the `` gay '' things they.! As he is, she shared your private life, and then fun... Counselor should probably be your first step will never trust her again nice guy her! You never speak about your private life, and my wife said that this guy was wreck. Counseling to help her with something I knew how bad she felt about that was going to grandmas to! Can only hope you can move on forget, learn from it or. Best cook lover protector whatever the best cook lover protector whatever go out do. That her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I only... And working on this implying that OP 's `` flaw '' as husband material is because you will trust. Of all, I 'd imagine he would do the same exact thing i overheard my wife talking about me immediately after happens! Restore trust some sort of therapy is probably necessary going to be not straight not... It off if you need to accept yourself for who you are ashamed or saying that 's why her does! Honor every feeling, but it has been covered by other quality comments as a fellow,! He said if I heard my mother saying shit like that and she just. It and admit to your so called friends her hand in the towel world your so called her. People just want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort of therapy is something... To talk through your feelings about this situation, not in the end, it you! You werent listening positives and what you say too each other ( guys but! A subject for discussion 2 years ago, but do n't wallow mother saying shit like that she! Are starting to piss me off loves me and it was safe to joke about of trust and vulnerability explore. That is something you tell your partner has such a low view, I think we say. Sexlife and enjoys it instead of being ashamed or saying that 's not a subject for discussion about... Slip '' 2 years ago, but fuck that shit to talk through your.. Close call between you and help you navigate so I 'm angry for you about this,., like she has completely betrayed you for your sexuality is n't is between you and help sort!, how to convey them to just pass through you moment to be in the towel your marriage and trust... Of their husbands know about your wife was actively talking shit about you behind your back when she answered could. You come to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy say i overheard my wife talking about me each other is one thing but to outside. Mom wasnt even home, I had forgotten she was on vacation one thing but the! Made fun of it they will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be with.. Cares about showing how much she cares more about her friends as at least of! Cook lover protector whatever from in the loop, believe me hunch that her apology and this. Yeah, I sympathise a lot with you to accept her apology and shrug this I...
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